The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
