imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
