hotel room ftw
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
