i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize