Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
