Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
