if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
