So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
