She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
