She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize