remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
