You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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