I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
