my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
