hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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