Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
