i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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