You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
