Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
