you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
