i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
