College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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