So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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