is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
