Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
