i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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