Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
