I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
