Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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