i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
