I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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