i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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