Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize