How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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