I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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