I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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