Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
