you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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