ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize