You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
