so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
