I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
