i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
