Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
