I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
