can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she smelled like a LAN party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
