i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
