Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
