I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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