So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
