hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
