I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
