i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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