I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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