yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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