Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
