This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
