Whod you bang
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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