did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
