Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
