At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize