I love black thongs
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
