when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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