As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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