Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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