You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
