they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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