I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
