I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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