Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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