ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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