hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My balls are so social today.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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