my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
