Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
