I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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