I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
