no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
