One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Randomize
