I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
