just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
