sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
