Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
