this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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